Ten things I’ve learned from being single

  1. One thing people like to tell you is “you’ll find someone if you just be yourself.” Finding someone isn’t a problem…it’s finding someone worth spending time with that is difficult.
  2. When you are single, you like to talk about how you wish you could meet somebody great, and why are all the good ones taken, and so on. When you are in a relationship, hearing your single friend talk about how lonely they are and how they wish they could meet someone is boring as shit.
  3. Flirting and random hook-ups are a huge perk of the single life. You forget how great that is until you are in a monogamous relationship.
  4. Going to restaurants, art galleries, and movies alone makes you feel pretty conspicuous. You have to bring a book or something, and act like it’s totally normal. This is particularly difficult when you are, for instance, killing time, and end up accidentally purchasing a ticket for a “Twilight” movie and you are a 30-year old man.
  5. Chris Rock was right…to paraphrase, everybody is single when you are in a relationship, but as soon as that relationship ends, suddenly nobody is single! He used the phrase “dick-sucking contest”, but it’s the same basic principle.
  6. One question people like to ask you when you are single is “have you tried internet-dating?” Wait, you can date on the internet?!? Problem solved!!!
  7. To people with babies: babies are, for the most part, incredibly boring. I get why you are so crazy about your baby, but you need to understand why I’m not.
  8. When you are freshly single, you feel like “hey, I’m fresh on the market, single and ready to mingle!” After time passes, you think “will I ever meet anybody again?”
  9. Sex often makes things weird.
  10. It occupies your brain to not be in a relationship. No matter what else you are doing, what hobbies you’ve been learning, how many friends you have…there is always a part of your brain that thinks “maybe I will meet somebody here!” And when you are introduced to somebody new, you are evaluating whether they are available, whether there might be some kind of chemistry there…it’s distracting.

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