Ten things I’ve learned from fighting in elementary school

  1. The Karate Kid move, where you stand on one leg, and the other guy looks at the bent leg in the air, and then you kick with the leg you were standing on…that move sort of works.
  2. A grade 6 fighting a grade 4 is lame. A grade 6 fighting 3 grade 4’s is bad-ass!
  3. There is no good reason to fight if you have somebody bigger to fight for you.
  4. I haven’t been in a real fist fight since I was a kid. Because I’m diplomatic, and I have nothing to prove. Or maybe I’m just a little cowardly.
  5. Knowing you can beat someone up gives you a leg up on them, even before you say one word to each other, and no matter how intelligent or mature both of you are. Isn’t body language 90% of communication anyway?
  6. There’s a thing where you grab somebody’s head and knee them in the face multiple times. I have never done that thing, but remember hearing about it being done. I think I saw it in grade 7.
  7. Kicks are leg punches.
  8. When you fight as a kid, you want to incorporate awesome ninja weapons such as the bo, the psy, the katana, nunchucks, and so on. The only weapon you have access to is a bo. Because all you have around you are long branches.
  9. Fighting is fun until somebody starts crying.
  10. The only good reason to fight is to protect someone who cannot fight for themselves.

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