Note: in the USA right now, exceptionally Conservative Republicans are working overtime to make it impossible for a woman to have an abortion (at least without feeling super-guilty about it). So here’s my experience going through the abortion process. I don’t know what it’s called…men can’t “have” abortions, right?
- Your politics mean nothing until they are tested.
- If you are pro-choice and someday want children, when a real possibility exists to have a child, no matter how unprepared you are or how ill-advised a decision it is, how do you not feel conflicted?
- Use protection. Seriously. No matter what he says, and no matter what she says.
- Men are largely behind the pro-life (anti-choice) movement; sometimes I think it’s because too many men don’t have access to knowledge or support around abortion issues. So we get dumb and angry. If only George W. had a shoulder to cry on, you know?
- There’s no good time for an abortion. Also, it sucks. Why do people think that women use it as birth control? Who wants to throw up for days, book an appointment for a clinic, possibly get yelled at and guilt-tripped by protesters, get doused with pain killers, have a procedure performed on your vagina (for men: think about your penis in this scenario. Right??), go home, feel shitty, be mad at your boyfriend, and then not have sex for weeks? Nobody. That’s who.
- Sure, there are over-arching gender politics in every relationship, but ultimately it comes down to two people trying to figure something out. A decision like this is tough for both parties…hopefully you both try to get through it the best way you know how without saying or doing anything too stupid or hurtful.
- Abortion is definitely worse for a woman than for a man. I get it. But there is emotional resonance for any half-decent man that gives a shit (and there are more of us than you might think).
- I could have an 8 year-old kid right now. If I did, they would be named Ghenghis. Boy or girl.
- We think we make decisions rationally, but we don’t.
- Someday, I think I could make a pretty great dad. But for the record, one of the worst things you can say to somebody is that they’d make a terrible parent.
Postscript: Going for an abortion was, without a doubt, the right decision. If she had made a different choice, I could be trying to raise a child with the worst, meanest, and craziest woman I have ever had the privilege of being in a relationship with, with not enough money and a lot of resentment. I still want kids (I think?), but I really believe it is irresponsible to bring a child into a fucked up situation just because you have the primal physical ability to. We are very lucky to live in a society where we have established the freedom to choose whether or not we have children, and on what terms. I don’t want to throw my life away, but more importantly, I don’t want to throw away the life of some poor kid that never had a choice to be born. I don’t mean to be sanctimonious….I’m the last person who is in a position to judge anybody. It’s just that life isn’t black and white, and you can’t have moral absolutes about stuff as messy as sex and pregnancy.