Guestpost #8: Aaron Lander – Ten things I’ve learned from losing my mother in a car accident at a young age

Aaron Lander is one of my closest (and probably my longest-lasting) friends, and not to be sappy, but I love the bastard. He doesn’t have a blog, but he should, posts like this are the reason why. Thank you Aaron.

  1. Everyone is going to die at some point, it is random and unfair and it sucks but that is a part of life, and it is a realization we all need reach at some point.
  2. You can never truly get over a traumatic experience, it stays with you.  A scent or an image or something quite random can trigger the memory.  You can however choose how much you are going to let it affect your life, shutting down or escaping from the world is a surprisingly easy thing to do but it never gets you anywhere other than misery town, or emotional outburst island.
  3. There is nothing you can say to someone that has lost someone close, so don’t waste your time trying to coming up with something deep and meaningful, it will carry as much weight as “Hello”. All you can do is be there if they need someone to talk to or a distraction from reality, they will let you know what they need.
  4. Having a dead mother can unintentionally increase the seriousness of a conversation that would normally be quite banal, “So what are you getting your mother for Mother’s Day?” “My mother passed away”. Insert awkward pause. “Oh I’m sorry.” Interesting fun fact: my mother never celebrated Mother’s Day, but her birthday was quite close to the day.
  5. People love to apologize when you tell them your mother has passed away, love it; it is by far the most common response, which is odd if you think about it; I mean (I hope) you didn’t have anything to do with her death, so why are you apologizing?
  6. The memories you wish you could keep fade faster than you want and the memories you wish you could forget remain as clear as the day they happened.
  7. I don’t care what Hollywood says; not all step mothers and step fathers are wicked or evil. Some are quite lovely and awesome.
  8. Sometimes a really good cry can make you feel a whole lot better.
  9. I know religion can be a comfort to some people during times of grief, but it can be the exact opposite to other people and make you feel worse (when you thought it was not possible) or angrier than you already are. People that tried to tell me that some deity had a hand in my mother’s death or that it was part of some divine plan, just made me hate that deity.
  10. You always have great comebacks to people that try to insult your mother “I threw my back out humpin’ your mom last night!” “More likely you threw it out while digging her up.” Now that’s an ‘oh snap’ if I ever heard one, but in reality it usually just leads to point 5.

8 Comments

Filed under tenthingsivelearned, Uncategorized

8 responses to “Guestpost #8: Aaron Lander – Ten things I’ve learned from losing my mother in a car accident at a young age

  1. I agree: the lovable bastard should have a blog of his own.

  2. Melissa

    Aaron,
    Your blog really touched me. I lost my father at a young age in a car accident as well, so this really resonated with me. Thank you for writing something so brave.
    Melissa

  3. neil

    Oh Aaron, you old so-and-so – this was both funny and touching…much like the author I guess🙂

    Thanks for writing, and thanks for posting Josh.

  4. Lillian

    I love how powerful this is

  5. Pingback: Top Ten Guestposts from 2011 | tenthingsivelearned

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