Guestpost #37: Steve Hobbs – Ten things I’ve learned as a man existing outside of time

Steve is a self-professed struggler with time, hence this post (and the last minute submission of this post). Steve is also a tremendously gifted improviser, comedian, and (from what he’s told me) basketball player. He’s a great guy. Here is his ITC bio.

  1. Being bad with time is an addiction. It feels really good to let some time slip by, like you’ve won a battle that nobody gets but you. Its freedom in a bottle and it feels good to take a big sloppy sip.
  2. “Dave-Time”. After enough time is displaced (aka after you’ve been ridiculous consistently), you can earn the title of having “(insert your name here)-time”, as if somehow you’ve got a bubble of your own time zone around you. People might even try and avoid it out of fear of getting physically caught in it. If your conversations are trending towards having a 5-foot buffer, you’re in the zone.
  3. You get watches as gifts a lot, because people know you’re not going to pay for that battery replacement. Ever.
  4. Being bad with time is a disability. Anyone who’s had to struggle against this kind of problem has a chequered history of annoyed employers, soured dates, and ruined dinners/birthdays/christmas mornings in their wake. Some real regrets stem from this one, and it’s the real finger wagging lesson-learner for planning and living responsibly. The silver lining is sometimes you’re late for the brutal stuff. Ever been late for being broken up with? Me neither, but MAN would there be egg on her face!
  5. Losing perception of time makes you a kid. I’ve worked at camps for ages, and I’m pretty sure it’s the time-thing that’s made it so easy for me to relate. Kids don’t really perceive time. It’s always flying by, and aging is all thumbs up and high fives. I mean, yeah, you might be uncoordinated and socially undeveloped and waiting to level up, but on some level every fun-loving kid is convinced there’s a good chance he/she is going to live forever until someone tries to show them otherwise. I’ll take those odds; I haven’t “grown up” yet.
  6. Daylight savings changes don’t really affect your day. They just kind of happen, and you feel a little weird.
  7. Being bad with time is a superpower. When you don’t inherently feel the impact of time, you gain the ability to manipulate the perception of time within your peers. “Do you think that’s time you’re feeling?” – Morpheus, almost. If there’s no intent and you’re a source of anti-time, you’re just making people late Dave-time style, but if you choose to harness and apply your circadian rhythm at the appropriate moment, you’re a perpetual fun machine and time just falls away for most everyone involved. Ever been at that after party that just keeps going and going and out of nowhere the sun comes up? Did you see any clocks, or was it virtually a casino? Some of those times, someone is Jedi-mind-tricking you into having the best “time” ever.
  8. “Calendar Duties” – after a while, one might subtly develop pseudonyms for time-keeping activities that everyone else does without thinking about it every day. “What did you get up to today honey?” “Oh, I had some calendar duties to take care of.” Chronological hurdles, schedule tasks, date math: these are the titles that us timeless hide behind.
  9. Being amazing with rhythm doesn’t really help, unless you’re a character in a musical, which I was a couple of times, so that worked out for a while.
  10. Process vs. Product – if someone tells you they can make the best tasting sandwich you’ll ever eat in an hour or offer you a mass-produced one in 2 minutes, most people will bite down on that McSalami without thinking twice. I’m guilty of this just like the next guy, but unlike the McChef, I’m incapable of making the 2 minute sandwich (literally too, limited finger-dexterity). A wise friend once taught me that even though we need a balance, we all tend to skew towards either valuing the finished product more than the process of creating it, or vice versa. As much as I crave polish and project completion, I will be forever in love with and lost within that process. I just hope that with the important things, when it’s time, I’ll know when I’m done.

59 Comments

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59 responses to “Guestpost #37: Steve Hobbs – Ten things I’ve learned as a man existing outside of time

  1. As a woman who struggles with being on time, I relate to every bit of this post. I think I love process more than product even though I am really happy when the product turns out great. Must have been all ofthat time stuck in process.

  2. In my world time does not exsist. Great post. Congrats on Freshly Pressed.

  3. Pingback: Guestpost #37: Steve Hobbs – Ten things I’ve learned as a man existing outside of time (via tenthingsivelearned) « NCSizer.WordPress.com

  4. AryanMolaeimehr

    thanks! i love your header hah! its (The Death of Socrates (1787)
    http://aryanmolaei.wordpress.com/

  5. The Compulsive Writer

    McSalami? Love it.

  6. Time? What’s that? Now is the only time I know. ! Loved the post,

  7. Though I myself am not time-challenged, I am addicted to doing the things that matter most veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy ssssssslllllooooooowwwwllllllyyyy–writing and making art. I can do neither in a timely manner. I work for hours, days, weeks————–

    Thanks for this timely post, and congrats on being freshly pressed! Hang on for the ride————-

    Kathy

  8. Shannon

    Oh how I can relate to Calendar Duties to the point that I’m having a mild anxiety attack because I *can’t* access my calendar. Hmmm, I wonder if I’m supposed to be somewhere rather than reading/commenting on this post.🙂

  9. #1. Would explain why my friend is ALWAYS late for EVERY event—he is addicted!! LOL

    • Hey there, Lakia- and jbowster, too.
      I think ADD is the answer. The brain processes information differently, attentional foc$us (time is money…Hwat?) and time becomes meaningless (abstract), whereas events linking together (concrete) are the measure of time. Lateness? But there were so many “events between “here” and “there”! It took me longer to get through them all! Everything was just so intersting! (attentional/focus issue, difficulty discerning salient features)

      Many experts will tell you and everyone else that people who are patently late are rude and consider themselves more important than other people. Not so true, actually. There is usually an anxiety factor here; the brain stops up around the idea of time, sorta freezes – the anxiety is only relieved
      once the clock passes the “safe” point of possibly getting there on time, much like you described above.
      Fact is, with ADD, the electrical activity in the frontal lobes is actually slower than the norm. That’s why they give people stimulants to treat this; it speeds up the electrical activity, hence, the shuttering speed of the recticular activating system in the brain, which processes incoming stimulous.

      Great, thought provoking post. I bet this one continues to get people talking!

  10. Hmmmm. I think I will have my husband read this…on second thought, just more ammo to shoot at me as I rush out the door to work LATE (to him) Right on Amber-time to me!!! I have pinned it down to I really do not like to wait, so if I am always last, then I am never waiting. Although the Big Sloopy Sip of “I got away with it again” maybe the hidden “reward” i am getting that is keeping me from making a effort ot be punctaul when I can.
    I love to dilly-dally and I am SOOOOO much a child all of the time. This is a wonderful Freshly Pressed!!! I love it! Congrats to both of you…late guest and honroable host! Have a great week!!! AmberLena

  11. Wow. I am just the opposite- I am a “slave” to time and get immeidately anxious if I’m even a few minutes late. I kind of admire your “freedom” from time… :o)

  12. It’s time for me to congratulate you on a wonderful post! Congrats!

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

  13. I have a co-worker friend who is consistently always late. So now I tell her 1/2 hour to a hour earlier so she will be on time. I’m usually on time unless it’s a party. Hate to be the first ones there.

  14. I’m pretty sure that having no sense of time has made me less affected by jet-lag than most people. While everyone else is wandering around feeling disoriented, I just feel the way I normally do.

  15. Calendar Duties. Might tell my husband that next time he asks me what I’m doing. That’ll stump him for a little bit.

  16. Great blog – with my daily blog I got a little stressed out about meeting the time constraints until I realized I could “adjust” my posts to any time I like… Congratulations!

  17. colin L Beadon

    We could do away with time. Let’s take off our watches, stop our clocks, and float free like those who live native tribal, with only sunset and dawn to count the days.
    We can do that. It is only we refuse to contemplate such a mode of living and what we feel we might have to give up.
    There are people who live beyond time’s dictates. They live happily in small groups. Their chief fear is what we who insist on living with time and our so called insistence on progress, force on their timeless natural environment.

  18. I’m horrible with time; such a procrastinator! Hopefully I’ll improve or make it work to my advantage🙂

  19. Children live outside of time. Does this explain why, once I turned 18 and started college and adult life, that time seemed to go faster? As a kid, I played, ate, laughed, had fun without the worries of time. Once an adult, the years seem to go too faster, things happened too soon. Maybe adults worry so much about time, that it simply goes fast because we are stuck in our worries about time itself. We don’t seem to live in the moment. Have you read the book “The Power of Now?”by Eckhart Tolle. Great book!. Anyways, great post.

  20. Haha nice post there🙂

  21. I would have left a more thoughtful comment for this wonderful post, but, as always, I didn’t have enough of that thing I’m usually outside of. What is it again? Ah yes, time.

  22. 10 things I’ve learned about leaving comments on other blogs:

    1. I’m still a terrible typist
    2. There are some good writers out there
    3. I wish I could use italics
    4. I usually notice my typo (s) after I click “post comment” but before it loads
    5. Sometimes it’s hard to come up with 10 things
    6. Then I realize I don’t have to, because only this blog is about lists of ten things
    7. Some people tell me I should be medicated, which is another way of saying they think inside a box
    8. I’m pretty good at counting to 10. Not particularly impressive, I admit, but, let’s face it, I’m running out of things.
    9. I should be doing something more constructive
    10. I put a period after number 8, but not the rest, and I don’t know why
    11. Damn it. I knew I’d screw something up

  23. josh beasley

    funny ,and riveting..I laffed till I cried…well , not really ..I did snicker several times…

  24. As far as I am concerned, I feel more enjoyable in process than product. Because I can learn many things during the process.

  25. Mr. Who-ver

    I now understand why kids love me. Where’s the 12 step program?

  26. when I am playing the basketball, I always forget the time. Enjoying the process is best thing in the world.

  27. I really liked this, and by reading this I have realized I too have learned many lessons by living outside of time. Time is a non-factor in almost everything I do. If it gets late, oh well, if its too early, oh well. If I need to hurry up, oh well. Its a rather liberated feeling once you finally find it.

  28. I apparently also have this super power, and I agree it feels nice when time just slips by…and especially when no one notices I’ve been ‘off somewhere’ for a while. Interesting. 😀

  29. Great post! Daylight savings, does it apply to galactic time? In my world, the sun rises somewhere around 10 am, I’ve even structured my business to allow for the shift in the time continuum. Since were on the same wave length, let me confide in you – I have the ability to warp time. That’s right, I can accelerate my perception so as to fly past the dreaded stuff like work or chores, yet go into slow mo time to enjoy the good stuff. Now tell me that isn’t superhuman? It is my firm belief that we of the superhuman realm should band together like the Avengers.

    http://thestufflegendsaremadeof.wordpress.com

  30. Oops! I forgot. Kudos On FP.

  31. Thanks! Hey, if you ever want to submit a guest post, let me know!
    http://www.maxgames.me

  32. Haha…I have my schedules for next month figured out and planned. I’m super disciplined. Sometimes though I get untidy. Then trying to find something can take time.

  33. Roda

    I too have been late for practically everything…. everyday of my life for most of my adult life…not shockingly late but 10 or 15 min were de rigeur earlier….until my live-in maid quit and the Law of Attraction came into my life. I now have maids who come do their work and go home which means that if they don’t come …its a tough day ahead of me…so I learnt how to use the LOA to get it to work for me. My cook was invariably late every morning and so I the great who likes her tea ready by 7.30 would sometimes get her tea maybe by 8 which would leave me fuming…until it occured to me that I was getting paid back in my own coin. If I thought nothing of reaching anywhere late who was I to complain of my maid being late and when that dawned on me I started changing my ways and I find that my maid too now comes on time. Of course there are other factors involved like being nice to her etc etc which if I go into here it would end up being a long article.

  34. Although I have recovered from “michael-time” for over twenty years, the assumption by my family and friends is I will fall off the wagon at any time. It’s a day-to-day struggle not to lapse; initially I followed a ten step program (Step # 7: Denial: “I am never late. Your clock is fast.”) but eventually you have to reach deep within yourself and realize that if you can just be really, really late in a precise way, you can actually get the twin time-universes (yours and theirs) to synchronize, which gives “them” the appearance of compliance. And that’s close enough, by cracky. The way I look at it, somewhere in the world I am on time and somewhere I am late. What you think I am is simply your perception.

  35. Love this post and the thinking behind it.

    Much as I loathe people who arrive late (and when I do it, feel embarrassed as hell), it happens…I live near NYC and being late is almost inevitable: screwed up subways or buses, traffic gridlock, bad weather, no taxis, you name it. I tried to reach a friend last week by car and literally did not budge from one intersection for 20 minutes, and finally cancelled. (Turns out Obama was in town. That would do it.) She was lovely and gracious about it, as are several of my friends — which is teaching me to be more generous about lateness.

    I love, (and am very guilty of this) how you lose yourself in pleasure and play. What a gift!

  36. Fantastic post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I relate to a good bit of your post. I’m incredibly bad at keeping track of time, not even sure how to turn an alarm clock on, and yet still manage to be super early to everything. It seems like it would be nicer than it is.

  37. The Agnostic Pentecostal

    Sorry I was so late to comment. What’d I miss?

    (read: “I loved this post. Thank you.”)

  38. colin L Beadon

    We have constructed time. It is our own fault.

  39. Honesty is such a bedrock of comedy, and finding the humor in your own quirkiness? Priceless.

    I suffer from timelessness and found this hilarious. Thanks for the laughs. You are very talented.

  40. I never have enough time! It’s not that I can’t manage it, it’s that there’s not enough of it, so as a result, I’m always behind! Perpetually trying to catch up is exhausting! Maybe its time to “reboot”.🙂

  41. Ah Tempus Fugit… from my perspective I’m great with time, but no-one would ever agree with me. I like to think like Chili Plamer, if you’re important enough people will wait for you… though maybe only to tell you how pissed they are at your tardiness!

  42. John

    Great Insight, thanks🙂

  43. I would have left a more thoughtful comment for this wonderful post, but, as always, I didn’t have enough of that thing I’m usually outside of. What is it again? Ah yes, time.

  44. Haha…I have my schedules for next month figured out and planned. I’m super disciplined. Sometimes though I get untidy. Then trying to find something can take time.

  45. Oh how I can relate to Calendar Duties to the point that I’m having a mild anxiety attack because I *can’t* access my calendar. Hmmm, I wonder if I’m supposed to be somewhere rather than reading/commenting on this post.🙂

  46. Children live outside of time. Does this explain why, once I turned 18 and started college and adult life, that time seemed to go faster? As a kid, I played, ate, laughed, had fun without the worries of time. Once an adult, the years seem to go too faster, things happened too soon. Maybe adults worry so much about time, that it simply goes fast because we are stuck in our worries about time itself. We don’t seem to live in the moment. Have you read the book “The Power of Now?”by Eckhart Tolle. Great book!. Anyways, great post.

  47. Pingback: Top Ten Guestposts from 2011 | tenthingsivelearned

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