Guestpost #44: Chas Cook – Ten things I’ve learned from using mobile phones in Canada

Note: I don’t know Chas personally, but my understanding is that he’s British.

Bio: Chas is an upper middle 40’s musical nutcase brought up on a solid diet of The Clash, Stella Artois, Leeds United, designer football violence, hip shaking dance music and small scale civil disobedience, now ‘jailed’ in Toronto despite numerous failed escape attempts. Employed to change your life or educate you on the merits of Fred Perry vs. Paul Smith as a clothing designer to adhere to.

  1. Contracts last longer than  marriages. Most contacts here are 3 times  longer than those that are used in Europe.
  2. Canada has phones on sale (Apple IPhone) after the rest of the world and pays twice the price.
  3. Only in Canada do the people taking the call pay to use the same line that the person dialling is also paying for. Bizarrely, this system doesn’t operate for land lines.
  4. Not content with gouging me with that little scam, I also pay for incoming text messages. Well why not…in fact doesn’t the sender already pay for that? Oh well.
  5. In Canada “Long distance” means travelling more than 20 miles. Conversely in the UK, long distance charges don’t apply on mobile phones.
  6. A ‘cell’ phone has nothing really whatever to do with a jail. In fact the term is so dated it should be imprisoned. Additionally, a ‘cell’ phone should be used whilst reversing  your SUV; in fact it’s compulsory.
  7. Walking up to your server whether it be in the library, Tim Horton’s, the Bank or in fact anywhere for that matter is not a signal to end your call; it is actually a chance if you are male to prove you can multi-task.
  8. The bigger your SUV the more you use your phone whilst driving. This is particularly important from 9 am when you have dropped your children off as close to the school as possible and you are manoeuvring out of parking spaces. The more expensive your SUV, the less likely you can afford the 30 dollar Bluetooth kit that Rog**rs offered you when you signed your life away to buy the phone.
  9. Apparently it’s acceptable to phone your children in their bedrooms to tell them that dinner is on the table.
  10. Instead of holding a lighter in the air at concerts, the Blackberry is now the new method of lighting your joint.


Filed under tenthingsivelearned, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Guestpost #44: Chas Cook – Ten things I’ve learned from using mobile phones in Canada

  1. Shannon

    Sadly, and yes, embarrassing to admit, I have a lighter app on my phone for concerts.

  2. A plea for number seven to quickly become RUDE and declasse and stop….I worked retail for a while and one of the THE most annoying behaviors is trying to “help” someone who can’t give you the basic courtesy of their undivided attention for maybe 3 minutes because they’re yammering into their cellphone.

    Please don’t do it!

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