Ten things I’ve learned from having one-night stands

In contrast to my last post…

  1. I have never understood why guys brag so much about one-night stands. They’re funny and fun, but generally not all that mind-blowing.
  2. When you wake up in a part of your city that you don’t recognize with somebody you don’t know, it leads you to question your decision-making abilities.
  3. When you wake up in a different city that you don’t recognize, beside somebody whose name you don’t know, it is usually a terrific story.
  4. If you or they stick around until the morning, the conversation is usually pretty much the same every time: “Oh, hey” “Hey” “Good morning…” “Yeah….you too…haha…” (pause) “what a night…haha…” (pause) “I guess I should probably get to work” “Yeah, totally I’ve got some stuff I need to get to also…you want…like…tea, or anything?” “No, thanks…I’m…I’m good, but thanks…for….everything? Haha…” “Yeah….you too…” “So should we exchange…you know…numbers or…I’ll just, leave my number…” “Sure, I’ll get my phone…” “Ok…or, whatever…” “Yeah, I mean I’m sure I’ll see you around” “Cool…” “Cool…k, see ya!” “Yeah…I’m going back to bed…haha….” “Cool….”
  5. Sex becomes less of a big deal the more you have it and the more people you have it with, which is kind of a shame. Cause really, it should be special right? But you can’t go back in time.
  6. Sometimes, there is a funny moment where you have both stumbled/cabbed/bike-ridden home, and you’re slurring your way through some deep conversation about aesthetics or philosophy or politics, and then you both just stop talking and realize…hey, it’s now the time where we do the thing we came here to do. It’s a strange shift that I feel would be pretty jarring to watch as an outside observer. Which is also a pretty creepy notion.
  7. A one-night stand is a self-contained moment. It might be an ego-boost, it might be a wake-up call, but ultimately it usually doesn’t get you any closer to anything meaningful.
  8. If sex is about communication, and I believe that it is, then it’s no wonder that most of the sex you have in one-night stands is pretty mediocre. You don’t know each other, and you probably don’t communicate all that well after just a couple of hours (if that) of conversation. What else would you expect?
  9. Alcohol is usually a catalyst. Or, I suppose, drugs? I wonder how many sober one-night stands there are? Probably not many.
  10. Be smart. Use protection and get tested and all that stuff if you are going to go around slutting it up (for men and women). And hey, slutting it up is all well and good, but why take unnecessary risks that could have huge consequences later on?

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