Ten things I’ve learned from slaps to the face

  1. When you slap an ass, your chance of getting slapped in the face goes up exponentially.

  2. Don’t slap the face of a friend who was in a recent bike accident. They won’t find it funny.
  3. Somehow, pimps slapping women in the face has become a joke. I blame Katt Williams and Rudy Ray Moore, mostly.
  4. Slaps to the face cause 5 seconds of “instant hate.”
  5. Face slap < elbow smash (in quantity of pain).
  6. Getting slapped in the face is as easy as scaring your unsuspecting girlfriend. Or sister. Or grandmother. Or seal.
  7. Never, never slap a baby in the face.
  8. Slapping a man’s face with a fish is hilarious. Joke fact.
  9. I have never not deserved a slap in my face for saying or doing some dumb shit.
  10. A slap has to be open-handed. It is a warning. It isn’t meant to do more than sting a bit. A closed-fist punch is a whole different story.

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